shit- words by Evea Apple

I wish I was just some kind of underdeveloped beautiful
In a halfway between the wardrobe... And Narnia
Really, beautiful isn’t a metaphor to me, it’s truth.
I want to be so goddamn phenomenal that
It’s just that I can’t really face the truth

There is no real human aesthetics, just poetry and

I'm the girl who let herself go after the heartbreak

Gained 30 pounds for no good reason
It had to be the way he left me
In a moment, dignity was part of the sacrificed
In a moment, I was fucking destroyed
You dumped me after you fucked me
What kind of bastard does that to a girl?
Uses her flesh, her insides like it was nothing personal

Still today my heart beats a morse code or some one else’s name

Still today I believe you are part of the world’s ugly
I wish you could feel what you did to me
I became so diseased with an idea of wanting to be beautiful
That I thought you were the fucking pig that started the swine flu
That I looked at myself as an empire of insecurity
My own mind wouldn’t let me leave

Leave that imaginary world with beauty as just an idea

It became an ice old...narnia
So the next time you crash your car, I hope you die in the fire

You took from me a beautiful that I’ll never have back

I wished you grace, but you know I never meant that
The truth is, is that when I’m beautiful again
I’m going to make it hurt so bad you thought it was by your own hand
So don’t take it too personal,
Watching you being torn apart would be so...so... Beautiful.